Bad Ass?

I love politics.  I really do.  like a fat chick loves rocky road, I love politics.  But being born in the 80’s my first president was Reagan.  Now I’m not knocking Reagan.  I mean anyone that can take a bullet for Jodi Foster is a man in my book, but as I read more and more about presidents of the past I really think what Americans need right now is a Bad Ass President.

Andrew Jackson.  That’s right.  Andrew Jackson, now he was bad ass.  I know what you are thinking.  “Andrew Jackson our seventh President?  What did he do other than help fight the national bank and help us rid the country of the pesky inhabitants that were here way before Europeans?” (Side bar… I would never call the massacre and removal of the Native Americans “helping the country with a pesky problem” that’s why I used quotes….dick….End Side bar) and to those of you thinking that.  I say this, Andrew Jackson did all of those things but he also did something Bad Ass.  Now it is known that Andrew Jackson took part in as many as 13 duels.  I would say that just living through 13 duels is bad ass but Jackson did at least two more Bad Ass things.  One.  In a duel with Charles Dickinson (over Jackson’s wife’s honor, how bad ass is that?) Andrew Jackson stepped into the fight and waited for Dickinson to shoot first.  Seriously.  Stepped in front of a gun and let himself get shot in the ribs (All for his wife’s honor.  I’m awesome but when I get shot at I’m looking for women and children to throw at the gunman ).  Two.  After being shot in the ribs Jackson steadied his .70-caliber pistol and killed Dickinson.  Now that’s Bad Ass.  So I think we can all agree that we would vote for that.  That is change I can believe in.

So by this point I bet your thinking.  “taking a bullet to the ribs, and then killing the man that talked shit about your wife,  No one president can ever be that Bad Ass again”.  I would like to introduce you to Teddy “fuckin” Roosevelt. In 1912 Roosevelt was running for president under the new “progressive” party.  Now running for president back in 1912 is very different than running for president now.   So naturally Roosevelt traveled around the country giving speeches and meeting people.  Wait.  that’s what they do now.  Anyway, on October 14th of the before mentioned year Roosevelt was just about to give a speech in front of 9,000 or so people, 8,999 of which really liked Roosevelt.  The one that didn’t was a man named John F. Schrank.  Just as Roosevelt stood up to speak Schrank stood up and fired one shot.  The bullet struck Roosevelt’s breast pocket where it punched through Roosevelt’s speech and his glasses case, before lodging itself in the wall of his lung.  So Roosevelt did two things that make him forever a Bad Ass.  One.  After being shot Roosevelt did what you would expect.  That’s right.  He got back to his feet and said (and I quote) ” I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a bull moose.”  And then he talked for 90 min.  Now most political speeches are 7 to 10 min maybe 30 to 45 if the candidate is sober.  But Roosevelt did a cold 90 minutes with a bullet in his lung.  After that the “progressive” party changed their name to the Bull Moose party.  Two.  After finishing his speech.  I’m thinking Roosevelt ended it by saying something like “That’s right Mo fos.  I just got shot in the chest by “The Man” You know they can’t keep a player down” (in this quote the part of Roosevelt was played my Big “E” Smalls) Roosevelt went to the hospital where the doctor promptly tried to remove the bullet from Roosevelt’s lung.  Roosevelt declined.  “Thanks doc. But no thanks.  I’m a certified Bad Ass” – Roosevelt.  *

I just think that if anyone of the candidates had taken a bullet in the ribs and then killed that man for his wife’s honor, or took a shot to the chest and then spoke for 90 in front of 8,999 people (I assume that Schrank only heard Roosevelt speak from the paddy wagon) I would totally feel better about who I’m voting for.  Can we get an independent Candidate from prison or something.  I think that would make it a lot easier.

AWESOME OUT!!

* Some of the quotes in this article may not be word for word.  But they are close enough.

Today is Spore day!  I’ll have a full review up soon.

Spore is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy... and make devil creatures or walking penis monsters.

~So sayeth Lord Charles

Are you feeling stressed?  Are their people making your life miserable?  People like gangsters, prostitutes, or con-artists?  Well do I have the product for you!

Click to see it larger

Note the various characters you can choose to spank, also note the card you receive explaining your sexual behavior.  Sine the game is all about spanking a fake ass in public, there’s probably only one card necessary.

~So sayeth Lord Charles

p.s. Yes it’s real… here’s a little more info.

I think it’s obvious to everyone (except for God) that I was born to be a rock-star. It’s just unfortunate that God decided he had other, less drug-fueled sex-crazed, plans for me. But, thanks to my friends at RedOctane and Activision, I can slap God with neck of my plastic guitar and rock out with my huge proverbial cock out .

Unlike the last Guitar Hero game, this game rocks. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed some of Guitar Hero 3, but it is called LegendS of rock, and the only Legend in the game is Slash. I love Tom Morello but he is not a legend. and unless Tom Cruse (with the fucked tooth) is in Guitar Hero 3 somewhere it should just be Legend of of rock……,no S.

That wasn’t my only problem with Guitar Hero 3. It is called Legends of ROCK. Not Legend of Rock for the first half and then Legend of Crazy Death Metal until you hate your life. I did enjoy playing Through the fire and the flames by Dragonforce. It gets your hand moving faster than a 7th grader that just discovered himself. But the songs at the end Guitar Hero 3 are so hard they are quite impossible, that is unless you have a trained pet spider to press the fret buttons for you while you wank the strum bar with the enthusiasmof a Catholic Priest about to partake in a large piece of alter boy pie.

With Guitar Hero Aerosmith you get everything it advertises on the cover and more. Of course you get to play a bunch of great Aerosmith songs but you also get to play a few great songs from bands that have opened up for Aerosmith over the years (i.e. Black Crows and The Cult). There is no song better that She Sells Sanctuary (by The Cult).

The game plays out like this. At every stage (Venue) you play two songs as the opening band. Once you show your skills and have properly warmed up the crowd they start chanting Aerosmith. As if to say “F this….bring on a good band.” Enter Aerosmith, and it’s not just Steve Tyler and Joe Perry. It is the whole band. Once you rock out on 3 Aerosmith songs (2 and 1 encore) you progress to the next stage.

Unlike Legends of rock, Aerosmith rocks from begining to end. It does run to death metal looking for difficult music to play. It says with The Opening band then Aerosmith theme. and I must say I have a lot more respect for Joe Perry.

Now there are a few things I think they could have done better with Guitar Hero Aerosmith. Mainly Track listings. Why am I playing Beyond Beauitful when I could be playing Dude looks like a lady, Line up, or many of their other great songs that are not on there. But thank God I get to play a horrible song by RUN DMC, called King of Rock no less. Last time I checked RUN DMC was a rap group IN THE 80’s. Why are they in this game. When they came out on stage and I to play King of Rock I felt like hurting someone close to me.

Overall Guitar Hero Aerosmith is a great game full of great music. If you like the Guitar Hero series and love Aerosmith this is a must own. But if your not a big fan of Aerosmith but already have a Guitar Hero guitar rent it. You’ll enjoy the hell out of it.

Awesome Out.