I like turtles.

If you want to find out whenever we get back to updating the best way would be to subscribe to the RSS feed.  I’m sure it’s only a matter of time till we get back into the swing of it.

Until then, hasta la taco.

~So sayeth Lord Charles

Puns are great!

~So sayeth Lord Charles

Personally I'd love a toy yoda... hint, hint!

Ok, so here are just a few reasons why I find this so funny:

1. She looks like a complete bitch.
2. Hooters waitress?  Lil’ Miss Flatchest was probably making zero tips anyway.
3. The caption points out that she is sitting with her toy Yoda… at her lawyer’s… like it’s her co-plantiff.
4. These things ain’t cheap…
5. The phrase “she was blindfolded, led to the parking lot” usually ends a lot worse than “and was given a present!”
6. The author felt the need to end the caption by explaining who Yoda is.  Because there are people for whom the description “the little green guy from Star Wars” means more than the name Yoda.  No one has ever said the sentence “Who the fuck is Yoda?  Oh that little green guy!  I know him now.. I love that movie!”
7. Finally, I find the prank itself quite funny

~So sayeth Lord Charles

Dude on the far right is really enjoying it... clearly a top.

~So sayeth Lord Charles

If this is intended to be sarcastic or ironic, I’m not hearing it.  Plus I know people like this… so yes, it’s real.  May god have mercy on us all (really).

~So sayeth Lord Charles

Today’s is a good old fashion well meaning church sign… that ends up being an orgy of pornographic hilarity. Good times.

Sounds like a helluva party to me.

~So sayeth Lord Charles

Bad Ass?

I love politics.  I really do.  like a fat chick loves rocky road, I love politics.  But being born in the 80′s my first president was Reagan.  Now I’m not knocking Reagan.  I mean anyone that can take a bullet for Jodi Foster is a man in my book, but as I read more and more about presidents of the past I really think what Americans need right now is a Bad Ass President.

Andrew Jackson.  That’s right.  Andrew Jackson, now he was bad ass.  I know what you are thinking.  “Andrew Jackson our seventh President?  What did he do other than help fight the national bank and help us rid the country of the pesky inhabitants that were here way before Europeans?” (Side bar… I would never call the massacre and removal of the Native Americans “helping the country with a pesky problem” that’s why I used quotes….dick….End Side bar) and to those of you thinking that.  I say this, Andrew Jackson did all of those things but he also did something Bad Ass.  Now it is known that Andrew Jackson took part in as many as 13 duels.  I would say that just living through 13 duels is bad ass but Jackson did at least two more Bad Ass things.  One.  In a duel with Charles Dickinson (over Jackson’s wife’s honor, how bad ass is that?) Andrew Jackson stepped into the fight and waited for Dickinson to shoot first.  Seriously.  Stepped in front of a gun and let himself get shot in the ribs (All for his wife’s honor.  I’m awesome but when I get shot at I’m looking for women and children to throw at the gunman ).  Two.  After being shot in the ribs Jackson steadied his .70-caliber pistol and killed Dickinson.  Now that’s Bad Ass.  So I think we can all agree that we would vote for that.  That is change I can believe in.

So by this point I bet your thinking.  “taking a bullet to the ribs, and then killing the man that talked shit about your wife,  No one president can ever be that Bad Ass again”.  I would like to introduce you to Teddy “fuckin” Roosevelt. In 1912 Roosevelt was running for president under the new “progressive” party.  Now running for president back in 1912 is very different than running for president now.   So naturally Roosevelt traveled around the country giving speeches and meeting people.  Wait.  that’s what they do now.  Anyway, on October 14th of the before mentioned year Roosevelt was just about to give a speech in front of 9,000 or so people, 8,999 of which really liked Roosevelt.  The one that didn’t was a man named John F. Schrank.  Just as Roosevelt stood up to speak Schrank stood up and fired one shot.  The bullet struck Roosevelt’s breast pocket where it punched through Roosevelt’s speech and his glasses case, before lodging itself in the wall of his lung.  So Roosevelt did two things that make him forever a Bad Ass.  One.  After being shot Roosevelt did what you would expect.  That’s right.  He got back to his feet and said (and I quote) ” I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a bull moose.”  And then he talked for 90 min.  Now most political speeches are 7 to 10 min maybe 30 to 45 if the candidate is sober.  But Roosevelt did a cold 90 minutes with a bullet in his lung.  After that the “progressive” party changed their name to the Bull Moose party.  Two.  After finishing his speech.  I’m thinking Roosevelt ended it by saying something like “That’s right Mo fos.  I just got shot in the chest by “The Man” You know they can’t keep a player down” (in this quote the part of Roosevelt was played my Big “E” Smalls) Roosevelt went to the hospital where the doctor promptly tried to remove the bullet from Roosevelt’s lung.  Roosevelt declined.  “Thanks doc. But no thanks.  I’m a certified Bad Ass” – Roosevelt.  *

I just think that if anyone of the candidates had taken a bullet in the ribs and then killed that man for his wife’s honor, or took a shot to the chest and then spoke for 90 in front of 8,999 people (I assume that Schrank only heard Roosevelt speak from the paddy wagon) I would totally feel better about who I’m voting for.  Can we get an independent Candidate from prison or something.  I think that would make it a lot easier.

AWESOME OUT!!

* Some of the quotes in this article may not be word for word.  But they are close enough.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/10/21/std.e-cards/index.html

yes, there are e-cards to send if you have an std. to “promote regular std testing”, you can send these fun, flirty cards to your numerous sexual partners.

now, i don’t know about most people, but if i were that kind of girl, i wouldn’t be giving out my e-mail address to someone i just had a random 5 minute encounter with…but i could be wrong. maybe i’m just not slutty enough. unless you are stalking me…then whoa!

so, in other words, whether its aids, syphillis or the herp, there is nothing funny about that. but an e-card sure is funny!

We’ll still have occasional non-daily-taco postings, so check every few days.  Or better yet, subscribe to the RSS feed!  I like Google Reader myself.

See you soon!

~So sayeth Lord Charles